The Most Important Word To Success In 5 Principles.
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
1. The Power of the Word “No”.
Learn the power of the word “no“. It is a simple, two letter word that can shape your life by giving you freedom and control where it belongs by putting you back in the driver seat. No longer will you be enslaved out of fear to do the bidding of others. When you reach this point you’ll have a better command of life.
People in life are simply afraid of the word no in most cases. Whether they think it’s because they’ll sound mean or because they want some form of approval, many people just don’t have what it takes to refuse people. In life this can be problematic because it leads to people taking advantage of you to suit their own ends and you end up further behind while they benefit. This type of behavior is not conductive to leading a life of transcendent growth.
The word “no” allows you to take control of your own life and put yourself first. People like to say this is a selfish attitude but we all have our own self interests at heart. It’s simply time to act on our self interests in a more productive manner. Learn to say no even if something isn’t a big deal and learn to focus on using your own time to put your own self ahead. Learn to turn down deals and renegotiate things that aren’t in your favor.
2. Stand Through The Conflict
As stated before the reason people are often afraid to say no is because they don’t want to be seen as mean or selfish. They run from conflict. Part of being successful in life is often facing conflict and standing your ground. If you just give up or bow down every time something difficult comes your way you can often really hurt yourself in the long run. When you bow down to conflict at all costs then you are conceding yourself and your beliefs to another. Think about that.
There’s nothing wrong with avoiding unnecessary and pointless conflict. There’s a difference between being reasonable and picking fights all of the time. However there’s a time when you end up being a doormat and nobody respects you. This leads to you being the beast of burden to further the ends of others who don’t even value you as much. Don’t let this happen to you. Don’t be the stepping stool for others to push themselves ahead. Put yourself ahead and take charge over your own life.
Standing through conflict takes practice. The good news is the more you do it, the better the results you’ll see as you practice it more and more. Learn to say no to smaller things at first and then build up from there. Alternatively you can practice saying “no” to a request once per week to see where that goes. Little by little you’ll start to see improvements and move ahead much faster.
3. No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.
One of the dark realities of life is that when you go out of your way to help others, you’ll often find yourself getting screwed. We’ve all learned this at one point or another. I know from business experience that when I try to put other people first, I often end up regretting it because it just comes back to bite me. Doing the same thing with family, friends, and relationships also lead to similar disaster. The important thing it to stick to your rules and to not make exceptions to them. The time where you bend your own rules in an attempt to help others is the time where you’ll find yourself regretting that you made that decision.
People will often use you to get what they want and it’s often people who “love” you the most. That’s one of the cruel ironies of life and it’s where the saying comes from. Put yourself first. People will often stab you in the back to put themselves ahead. I often found that my worst experiences I often had were with people I was trying to help but it ended up screwing me over.
4. Learning the Hard Way
As I have gone through life I have had to learn this lesson the hard way. I’ve had customers in the past who have wanted special deals or orders done for them that didn’t go with my customer policy. Whenever I made an exception and allowed them to get what they wanted I ended up with customers who were slow payers or no payers. I have one particular instance where I knew someone who worked where I got my suits at the time. He told me he wanted my mother to use my business (I had bought suits in bulk from him). He went on about how she was a religious lady and very nice. I didn’t mind helping out at the time.
When I ended up doing work with them they were extremely demanding and wanted everything for little to no cost. I did this the first time as a favor to help them out, but it made dealing with them absolutely miserable in the future as they became entitled to more and more free things. Eventually I just let them go because it wasn’t worth the hassle anymore and the attitude they had was just a waste of time and money for me.
In my personal life I don’t believe in doing loans at all to people because it never really ends well. At best you end up having the equivalent of a drug addict who wants more and more. Not only that but once people see you’re giving handouts, more and more of them line up. I broke my rule on one occasion for a family member who said they would pay me back. Time went by and of course I never saw any of the money I was promised. When I asked about this I was assured I’d get it back. Eventually the person in question confessed to using the money they owed me to gamble in the hopes of tripling their money and then giving me my money back.
If I don’t gamble with my money, why should I give it to others to gamble with? I work hard for my money and I don’t want it wasted. Needless to say I never did this again and when the person in question called for another loan, I told him someone else would be better suited for it. I didn’t keep up with them again. Lesson learned.
5. Treat Your Own Time As First
Learn to start respecting your time. If you don’t, then nobody else will. Most people don’t even respect their own time with how they waste it. Look at how much time the average person spends on television, movies, video games, and social media. The average American watches 4 hours of television a day. What do you think they will do with your time when most people aren’t planning, saving, investing, or doing anything for their own future? I constantly have to explain to family that just because I have my business doesn’t mean I just play around all day. I have obligations that go on 24/7 as I don’t have a “time clock”. People often see that as free reign to drop obligations on me. I have had to put my foot down on that issue numerous times.
The vast majority of people will occupy your time and energy with minutia and irrelevant nonsense whenever they can to feel important. Do not allow them to do this. Schedule your time wisely and do not waver, only accept extreme emergencies as a reason (and those are generally very rare). Refuse to do the massively inconvenient and don’t let people guilt trip you. Many common tactics people use are to say that you are selfish and uncaring. Remember that those people are selfish for trying to use you to further your own end. Also refuse to allow people to dump their obligations on you because they’re more than happy to dump their responsibilities on you. Go and be free with your time. Schedule your time and use it wisely.
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