Transcendent Growth: 3 Steps To Social Mastery!
It’s Not What You Know, It’s Who You Know.
People in life often think that working on other parts of their lives are important. People work on their health, their finances, and their relationships. These are all considered normal and important things to improve upon.
However one important part is often neglected is the social aspect of people’s lives. This is an important part to master because without proper social skills, the lubrication between the other important aspects of your life often fall apart or move much slower. The things you want in life such as more success with money or relationships become much easier to attain with good social skills. In other words with proper networks and the ability to communicate, you can get where you want much faster.
With poor communication skills you will often find certain aspects of life far more difficult, and in some cases almost impossible. So to become socially fit, it is important to develop a social regimen and stick to it! Essentially you want to train those flabby social muscles and invest into a long standing social payoff. A great book I recommend is How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
1. Develop Your Social Muscle By Creating Process.
The way you develop your social muscles is the same way you develop any of your other muscles. You do it through consistent practice and training. As you keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and past your limits little by little, you’ll see more consistent and powerful results. Over time, things you thought were once difficult and impossible will start to seem trivial by comparison. You’ll wonder how you ever let that other random person intimidate you into non-action.
What you want to do is set goals like you do with fitness and money. For instance your goals might look something like:
1. Focus on smiling more.
2. Focus on making small talk with total stranger.
3. Focus on making small talk with a stranger I’m attracted to.
4. Focus on getting the phone number of a stranger I’m attracted to.
5. Contact or meet a successful person and get them to mentor me.
The stuff at the bottom might seem daunting at first, but you start at the top and work your way down. Go out to a busy place (like the mall) on the weekend and practice smiling at people. I recommend you go out alone to encourage you to meet new people and get out of your comfort zone. Do this more and more as you get used to it. Set a particular goal like smiling at 10 people every hour. This will eventually come easy. If you need to, practice smiling in a mirror. Once you get this down, practice waving and smiling at people while saying hello. You’ll notice people respond to you much better.
Eventually you can focus on making small talk. You can simply compliment them on an article of clothing they have or mention something they’re doing (like drinking coffee). At that point you can converse about a variety of topics. Simply listen and ask questions. This makes people feel important. Before you know it you’ll be on a path to social mastery. Process development is the same socially as it is financially or anywhere else. A book that goes into this in detail is Millionaire Fastlane. They talk about the importance of process creation.
2. Upping The Ante
This is where you go to the point of transcendence. This is where you get to the point that the other 99% won’t get into. You’ll have to face your deep fear of rejection. The difference here is you’re doing it in more of an unusual situation (you’re out during the daytime where it isn’t “normal” to ask out people.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or a girl, you should strive to get out of your comfort zone and take control of your life. It doesn’t matter what the majority does, strive to be against the majority.
In this scenario you want to take what you did in the previous scenario and simply add a bit to it. Smile and walk with confidence and approach the person you’re attracted to and compliment them on something they’re wearing or mention something they’re doing. There’s no need to jump right into anything, simply have a conversation with them. Ask them questions and listen to them (social skills 101). You might find that they live too far, or have a family of their own. In that case simply smile, end the conversation, and move on.
Continue to do this until you find someone you do like talking to and that you are attracted to. When this happens and you’ve reached a high point in the conversation simply offer to talk to them later. It’s really a simple task but emotion and fear makes it feel daunting. However the more you do this the less it will bother you.
The same principles are often applied in selling or going door to door. You engage the person and discuss things with them first before making your offer. You might not always get the result you want but you will make more opportunities to yourself. Focus on creating connections and having conversations and these interactions will be much easier. You’ll progress before you know it. A great book on confidence is Social Confidence Mastery.
3. Social Overdrive
At this point here you can take it a step further and find a successful person in and industry of your choosing and finding a mentor and/or forming a relationship with them. This can be tricky because these people are often in high demand or have a gate keeper. However it can also be much easier than you think if you come across as motivated and polite.
There are many ways to do this. Often on the internet many successful people have contact pages. You can contact these people and offer to make a connection with them or do some guest work for them or just have a relationship where you share information. When you are doing something yourself you come across less a taker which makes people want to help you more.
With the phone you will often have to get around a secretary of some sort. Simply state who you are and try to speak to the (person’s name, first name often makes you sound like you know the individual). This may be tough and you’ll have to accept failure often times before you succeed. If you do this be sure to get to the point and get any contact information you can.
There are other ways to make contact. You could do interviews or something else (like podcasts) of the sort or go to volunteer work or charities as well. Simply stay open to the opportunities around you and transcend infinitely. Be sure to let me know your progress in this area. Get out and take social action to build your regimen!
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